it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
