Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
