oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
