There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
