do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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