My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
