I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
