i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
