I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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