So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I will be naked everywhere
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
