He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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