My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
