Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
