Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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