my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
