got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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