dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
