new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't deserve a penis
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
