this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
