this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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