New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
