Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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