So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
