i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
