There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
