You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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