P.S. I can't hear my feet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
