That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
