Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
