dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
