i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
