hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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