Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
