I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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