So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
