When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
