getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just invented taco cereal.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
