i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
