i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
