My room smells like vodka and shame
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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