every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this is an emotional support booty call
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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