you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
