i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
