Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
and you fell through a lawn chair
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