SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my poor anus
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
