the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
