Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
