How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
