Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
