Your mouth is God's brothel.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
