So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
